I am here

and I am the same

wherever I am 

yet everything around me is different

I knew that it would be

and I thought I took all precautions and made all preparations 

but I am surprised at how the differences catch me off guard

I go to write in the morning

and I don't have my apple

I don't even have wifi

I knew Internet was sparse here

and so I brought a journal to write in

instead of using the computer

but then I go to insert photos to my blog

and uploading and downloading

is so cumbersome 

and uses up so many gigs...

so I restrain and only use the campus Internet for photos

and then I try to send the kids a picture or a text

and that proves difficult

and undeliverable

and our phones are supposed to work and they don't!?!

we buy wifi for the apartment and they tell us give it until this evening by then it should all be activated

and it seems to be

lights flash

bars glow...

and yet it too is not working either!?!

and I realize

how very dependent I have become to the technology I exist in

even with my limited ability...

and I remember my intention for this trip

to go away

not to tour

to read

and to walk 

to photograph 

and to listen

to be quiet

and to seek the voice of God 

in my little life

and I thought I could do those simply pure things 

and 

still hold on to all my apps and portals of communication

but my struggle with settings 

and purchases of wifi 

and setting of passwords 

and buying and inserting of SIM cards 

and my frustration 

and desperation 

reveals how very attached I have become to this mode of communication 

much more than I care to admit...

and as I go to sleep our first Friday in italy

I lift my head to see what time it is

and even the alarm clock

mocks me

turning its red faced numbers away from my vision

and so Lord I accept I submit

to your quiet

to pray

to seek you 

knowing you are oh so very near

when all else fails and makes me feel so far away...

my old fashioned pen to paper 

and my new place for morning prayer

and a new time for daily mass

and

three more months

to begin to learn

to listen in the darkness

to see in the silence

from the word among us

Hebrews 4:11

strive to enter His rest

"striving and resting

 aren't those two things diametrically opposed to each other

 yet God wants us to experience His rest

 He wants us to be at peace

 with Him

 with ourselves

 and with each other

 don't allow yourself to drift....

 from Him

 from His love

 from His presence

 don't be anxious

 don't become frustrated

 don't be envious

 don't be restless

 strive...to stay close to the Lord

 to think as He thinks

 to feel what He feels

 to let go of what does not matter to Him

...breathe

   a little prayer

   and in that breath

   draw near to the Lord

   lean on Him

...LET HIM bring you back to His peace..."