...and so it goes...still...not there

. . . 2014 has passed . . . the hardest year ever
and we enter into a pristine 2015

there were times this past year I was uncertain if I would make it through the day
let alone arrive at the end of the year

and yet this month. . . January. . . and the promise of a semester in Italy . . .
was held out as if a magical carrot
'it will be an opportunity of a life time'
'an amazing experience'
'are you excited?'

all I knew was that all that I was familiar with
my days
my routine
      the places I go
      the babies I held
my wednesdays
my home
my rooms
      the way the sun comes in
my streets
     where I walk
     where I drive
     where I work
my job
my friends
my women . . .
my support
my language
my church
my Mass in the afternoon
my place of prayer in the morning

would no longer be there
would no longer offer me sanctuary
would no longer be my solace and comfort

it would all be new
I would have to leave all I knew
and discover what is somewhere else
discover what is yet to be

and I didn't know if I had the strength within me
to leave
to go
to walk
and to live
even if only for a short time
in an unfamiliar land

but I no longer feel empty and in that darkness that I was in
afraid and alone
the going away has actually become an inviting alternative
to being close and yet so far

my life is blessed once again
with a simple word of joy
and a single prayer
. . . I can breathe again

and from today's word
for today and this New Year

"May God bless and keep you. . . and I
 May His face shine upon us
 May He be kind to us. . . and give us peace"
                     Numbers 6:24


. . . if you thought you were going to get a travel blog . . .
re think . . . it will all come pouring out . . . probably right here!